Working on Personal and Spiritual Growth

For months, I have sat back and observed myself struggling with my faith and in what direction it is supposed to be leading me. It began when I found out that Jesus, whom I have learned to love, idolize and assumeD to be God, was merely the re-creation of Horus, son of Isis and Osirus. I have been told repeatedly that it should not affect my view of God but I can’t wrap my head around it yet. I BELIEVE that God is still God and that, being my Creator, is the only one to be worshiped, but let’s face it, like so many raised in the church, I learned to worship Jesus. It’d be so much easier had I been raised with virtually no background and were, more or less, a blank slate!

For decades, I’ve been taught that Jesus was equal with God and was, in fact, God himself. How’s that work? Are you and YOUR father the same person? How can Jesus (if indeed he even existed) be both God’s “only begotten” AND “equal”? Did God come up with this first and then change and fashion his creation inTO a completely different manner than he, himself, came from? Are you both your father’s “begotten” and simultaneously “equal” with him or do you have to grow a bit and work on catching up to your father? 

Here’s why the Osirus/Isis/Horus issue makes sense to me: because it is relatable. Because Isis literally went to the ends of the earth to find her mate and caused a love child to be created between them even AFTER his death (seems to be a very very ancient precursor of artifical insemination, don’t you think?) Who doesn’t like a good romance??!There are enough questions that arise (for me, anyway) in proportion to the how’s/why’s and wherefore’s in relation to this whole issue for it to bear more thorough research to be a necessity. The subject of God as taught by Christians is neatly wrapped up and contained in a predicatable, neat little package complete with Jesus as the bow. There are few questions aside from which new rule and regulation we can throw before our fellow believers cleverly wrapped up in the pursuit of conversion, i.e. The Great Commission. The vast majority of Chrstians are completely ignorant of the fact that we do this, so entrenched in habit has it become. 

And to those who are Christians, I am not disregarding what you believe; if it’s what keeps you grounded and acting right, keep at it, just don’t be disrespectful towards what I’m saying if you percieve that my actions and behaviour and spirit are right in line with what God stands for. Despite my belief that the book known to millions is full of stories being passed off as history rather than metaphore, I don’t discount everything in it, either. Just being PEOPLE tells us how to live in relative harmony with those around us. Being kind to your neighbor, or to strangers when you could choose to react a different way, are both Biblical and PRACTICALprincipals to live by and can lead to very positive relationships. The point is that these attitude norms are for us as people, not per race, per difference but extends to the core of us, not just relearned behavior.

I know that I am in for a long struggle till I’m at a place in my life where disbelief is no longer an issue and acceptance – towards God, myself and my past – is how I wake up every day seeing and living. Right now, life is a series of opportunities, good and bad, and reprucussions (equally good and bad). One day after another until the end of your life. Probably 90% of the world is unaware of this because life for humans is like an ant farm: we get up, do what we do, see who we see, all without realizing WHY we’re doing it all. Is it just surface selfishness or is there a deeper reason for our behavior and choices? A few of us are critically aware that our choices and behaviors are part of a puzzle that is “Who am I”, a question I believe controls the entirety of our  lives. I want to be active in my life. Although forces and factors outside of my life control the direction it takes, I want to be as involved as I can be. Having been created with the ability to speak and write, I have a certain amount of responsibility to use it as much as I can. 

I no longer remember my original reason for writing this blog. I had edibles and I am tore up from the floor up, and am having a damn near AWESOME experiment. My thoughts are a jumbled mass of snippits vibing for control for use and domination. Wow, this is great! I doubt many read this. People are lazy and don’t want to invest so much of their time into spending the time to read when there are so many other ways. But if you do, I thank you so much for taking the time. Time and money are two things we never seem to have enough of. 

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Working on Personal and Spiritual Growth

Just Because You Can – Doesn’t Mean You Should

Malcolm As I write this, and largely WHY I’m writing this concerns Freddie Gray, the young man from Baltimore who was killed while in police custody. Police brutality is out of control and so are the reactions taking place. 

The United States Flag Allow me make a statement and then try to put something into prospective: just because a person is allowed to do something – doesn’t mean they should do it. Beyond that, let me say this: under no circumstances do I condone racism. It’s ugly, stupid and makes zero sense. I also do not condone police brutality. The police are supposed to be above racism, coersion and reproach but we’re inclined to forget that they are people, human and as subject to temptation, failure and success as we are, ourselves.

world-peace-debi-hammondI believe in peace. I’m also cognizant that peace is not always an option. In this case, by peace, I mean war versus peace – not inner peace which you can work to have whether the social/economic climate is peaceful or in upheaval as it is so heavily right now. 

10553821_10152163098551256_8278471907802352853_o Look, I don’t pretend to understand why people think the answer to events like the ones ending in the deaths of Michael Brown, Freddie Gray, and other’s who’ve suffered similar fates, at the hands of the police, is to go out and tear down their city. To not only destroy THEIR neighborhoods (as well as those around them – does anyone even care?) but those of other places as well. This isn’t about justice – justice would be holding those responsible accountable; what it IS about is people using senseless death as a means to anarchy.  

crack-cocaine-644x300 While we’re on the subject of taking care of our cit(ies), here’s a question: why can’t people put as much effort into cleaning up their neighborhoods as they do tearing it down when OTHERS mess it up? Why can’t we see what’s going so wrong and take appropriate steps to stop the violence, the anger, the hypocrisy (which is what this boils down to). These cities have been set on fire, vandalized and spoiled because of ONE individual – thousands become addicted to alcohol, heroin, cocaine, crack, you-name-it – and no one says anything. There’s no sense in hating the police. There’s no sense in tearing down the president, the other black leaders who really ARE trying to help (like the mayor of Boston who’s trying to bring her city under control). There’s no question that there are people who claim to represent, people like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson who’s primary concerns are their own wallets and having their faces plastered on the front page, who help no one. 

images We need to come together as one people, united in love for community country, God, whatever. I know the odds are against me and it likely won’t happen but hey, a girl can dream, right? Stop tearing down the city you choose – choose life over death, will you? 

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Just Because You Can – Doesn’t Mean You Should

Come to Peace Now; Fewer Regrets Later

ap_ap-photo1501-640x436 We are in the last days. I’m fully convinced of that.  Anyone paying attention to the goings-on here in the United States as well as the rest of the world will likely consede that things are declining quickly. Earthquakes, volcanoes, rioting and looting because of the still-relevant racial issues going on all over the country (likely the world but trying to keep this in “my own backyard”) are once more coming to a head.

sn401c_sg_0010b Whether things end like they’re described in the Bible or another way, the decline of society and civilization (or should I say UNcivilization) has progressed to a place where it would take a miracle to return to normal, assuming “normal” was ever anything other than a term used to keep people in their place.

riot42 This is not to say that I believe in anarchy because I certainly don’t. On the contrary, I would rather we sat down and held actual communication over a giant bowl of good herb. tumblr_inline_mlbqz7nWWu1qz4rgp

stock-photo-muslim-protest-and-protestors-with-picket-signs-1041110  I believe the government has no right to tell me what to do when that law violates what I believe to be the law of God, or at the very least, the BLESSING of God. WP_20150312_027 These days, that line has been monumentally blurred, maybe even obliterated, because the God that I believe in is apparently a different God than much of the world believes in, if they believe in one at all. Does this make me better than them? Hell no, of course not! It just makes me who I am and life experiences have helped shape me into the person I am.

right-way-wrong-way1 Nowadays, morality is what man says it is; what society dictates – God’s definition, to most people, is completely moot because man’s desire to have their own way supercedes what he wants and says and even more, no one is qualified to speak for a God who’s been around since the beginning, I don’t care what kind of degree some man hands you or how many hours you study. I’ve never studies Hebrew or Greek but I can tell you that I imagine that the more you study about God the LESS you know.

4219b439833fc71ca821413e836c6847 All of that is not true of myself – I’m well aware I am not God, nor do I want to be – and I have no problem with God telling me what to do because he’s been around forever and I have not. The most recent issue(s) today are the gay agenda and the race-related police killings leading to all kinds of anger and hatred. Both have been thrown into everything. Nothing is sacred or pure anymore, especially not love. What you do with your time and in your bedroom is your business but when you start messing with me and impeding on my right to believe and saying nasty crap to me, I will say something whether it’s taboo or not. Isn’t it funny how one-sided tolerance is? I’ve been tripping on that for quite some time now.

Hands on a globe --- Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis As I stated earlier in another forum, I will add here, because it’s totally relevant to this blog: “There’s no hope left for America beyond the individuals who still love God and their fellow man. The best we can hope for anymore is to teach our children right from wrong, teach them to stand on their own two feet and treat their neighbors with respect and in the end, trust that we taught them enough.”

images Come to peace now. I am talking about inner peace; outter peace is temporary at best. If you come to peace now, you will have fewer regrets later because, in case you’ve missed it, bad things tend to accumulate (like a snowball going downhill) and you’re (and  I’m) going to need to be spiritually fortified in order to make it through. Choose your friends wisely- you’re going to need ALLIES in the days and months and possibly years to come.

God Speed. Go in Peace.

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Come to Peace Now; Fewer Regrets Later

What say you?

If you knew your child’s every breath was up to you to protect, would you change the way you parent? If you knew every word out of your mouth is stored in your child’s head, fusing with their ever-expanding vocabulary and self consciousness, would you change your parenting style? If you recognized your propensity for favoring one child over the other(s), would you change your parenting stye or keep making excuses? As I sit here by my son’s memorial cross, marking the spot where he was hit and killed and where I often go to sit and talk to him, I think about these things. The questions I ask are not multiple choice, they are rhetorical.

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I have all kinds of extra time to come up with pearls of wisdom these days lol. I have learned through my kids going into and through foster care and through death. Our children have never been in more danger than they are today. I wish I could do more to help others but my hands are full right now. I know that God will open the doors as I need to go through them. Nothing that happens in our lives is for no reason. We go through stuff so that we can help others who’ve gone through similar stuff. We’re all students of our own lives; some are cognizant of that, some are not. Both are needed in this world. Proverbs 22:6 says Train up a child in the way they should go and when they’re OLD they will not depart from it…The laws of the land are only as good as the people who live according to them and even then, we have the responsibility to decide whether those laws protect or hurt our kids in the long run (abortion is federally legal, cannabis is federally illegal but abortion kills children while cannabis can heal not only our kids but the earth they will inherit once we’re gone and they’re left to take care of what’s left of it). 

25745_340097196255_1291354_n Ish and the Stars

What say you?

Dear Family, Friends and allies

Once more, a change is upon us…tomorrow I am calling the Salvation Army and the R.J.Montgomery Center here in Colorado Springs to get my family into the shelter. Please be in prayer for us. We’ve been dealing with homelessness a long time and we yearn to have a place of our own. This is going to mean splitting up- Raphael will be in the men’s area and I will be in the women’s with Ish (unless we can get them to have Ish stay with Raphael which would be the best thing, as Raphael has taken care of Ish while I worked or went to school for 3/4 of his life.

We are excited by the prospect of leaving, no question. I am, and so is Raphael, scared to death while simultaneously understanding that this is what we need to do in order to get closer to town; for me to be able to take the class I need to take in order for us to get cash assistance until a job comes and to be closer to court so that I can get my license back, though it wasn’t my fault I lost it, still it wears on me as I am a law abiding citizen and would never in a million years, have risked my license for any reason. That’s water under the bridge and not worth going into. I have enough to deal with right now.

I don’t know who amongst you have been homeless, have dealt with it or lived it or known people who were, but I beg you, as a person who’s suffered more bullshit than I should have had to deal with, living in a “Godly” country (especially with a child involved and a happily put together family), to reach out to those who need help. Don’t wait till the “right family/individual” comes along- if you see a need- meet it. The church should have been knocking down my door to help- and they haven’t said a damn word. Few are the people I have been able to rely on, namely, the people of my house who are in this situation with me. The others have come and gone- done their bit then gone home and either prayed for us (very much appreciated) or forgotten all about us. They will answer to God for that- it’s not up to me.

I am here primarily to let any and all know, who read my blog or are following me, to patiently wait for my return. I know – most people don’t know who I am and pretty much could care less but for those who DO care- I love you and I will be back, God willing, before very long.

Thank you. Thank you for your prayers. This is hell on earth we are going through- children shouldn’t have to suffer like this and it rips my heart out to see the innocence with which Ish goes through life. Praise God he’s tough like Daddy and joyful like I normally am…with people like him in the world- there’s certainly hope yet.

 

Dear Family, Friends and allies