Working on Personal and Spiritual Growth

For months, I have sat back and observed myself struggling with my faith and in what direction it is supposed to be leading me. It began when I found out that Jesus, whom I have learned to love, idolize and assumeD to be God, was merely the re-creation of Horus, son of Isis and Osirus. I have been told repeatedly that it should not affect my view of God but I can’t wrap my head around it yet. I BELIEVE that God is still God and that, being my Creator, is the only one to be worshiped, but let’s face it, like so many raised in the church, I learned to worship Jesus. It’d be so much easier had I been raised with virtually no background and were, more or less, a blank slate!

For decades, I’ve been taught that Jesus was equal with God and was, in fact, God himself. How’s that work? Are you and YOUR father the same person? How can Jesus (if indeed he even existed) be both God’s “only begotten” AND “equal”? Did God come up with this first and then change and fashion his creation inTO a completely different manner than he, himself, came from? Are you both your father’s “begotten” and simultaneously “equal” with him or do you have to grow a bit and work on catching up to your father? 

Here’s why the Osirus/Isis/Horus issue makes sense to me: because it is relatable. Because Isis literally went to the ends of the earth to find her mate and caused a love child to be created between them even AFTER his death (seems to be a very very ancient precursor of artifical insemination, don’t you think?) Who doesn’t like a good romance??!There are enough questions that arise (for me, anyway) in proportion to the how’s/why’s and wherefore’s in relation to this whole issue for it to bear more thorough research to be a necessity. The subject of God as taught by Christians is neatly wrapped up and contained in a predicatable, neat little package complete with Jesus as the bow. There are few questions aside from which new rule and regulation we can throw before our fellow believers cleverly wrapped up in the pursuit of conversion, i.e. The Great Commission. The vast majority of Chrstians are completely ignorant of the fact that we do this, so entrenched in habit has it become. 

And to those who are Christians, I am not disregarding what you believe; if it’s what keeps you grounded and acting right, keep at it, just don’t be disrespectful towards what I’m saying if you percieve that my actions and behaviour and spirit are right in line with what God stands for. Despite my belief that the book known to millions is full of stories being passed off as history rather than metaphore, I don’t discount everything in it, either. Just being PEOPLE tells us how to live in relative harmony with those around us. Being kind to your neighbor, or to strangers when you could choose to react a different way, are both Biblical and PRACTICALprincipals to live by and can lead to very positive relationships. The point is that these attitude norms are for us as people, not per race, per difference but extends to the core of us, not just relearned behavior.

I know that I am in for a long struggle till I’m at a place in my life where disbelief is no longer an issue and acceptance – towards God, myself and my past – is how I wake up every day seeing and living. Right now, life is a series of opportunities, good and bad, and reprucussions (equally good and bad). One day after another until the end of your life. Probably 90% of the world is unaware of this because life for humans is like an ant farm: we get up, do what we do, see who we see, all without realizing WHY we’re doing it all. Is it just surface selfishness or is there a deeper reason for our behavior and choices? A few of us are critically aware that our choices and behaviors are part of a puzzle that is “Who am I”, a question I believe controls the entirety of our  lives. I want to be active in my life. Although forces and factors outside of my life control the direction it takes, I want to be as involved as I can be. Having been created with the ability to speak and write, I have a certain amount of responsibility to use it as much as I can. 

I no longer remember my original reason for writing this blog. I had edibles and I am tore up from the floor up, and am having a damn near AWESOME experiment. My thoughts are a jumbled mass of snippits vibing for control for use and domination. Wow, this is great! I doubt many read this. People are lazy and don’t want to invest so much of their time into spending the time to read when there are so many other ways. But if you do, I thank you so much for taking the time. Time and money are two things we never seem to have enough of. 

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Working on Personal and Spiritual Growth

Sativa Cannabis Strains to Off-set Addiction to Cocaine and Amphetamines

Also aids with Ecstasy, Molly and Crystal Meth

          STRAIN            EFFECT        COMPANY     PICTURE
                                                 SATIVA
White Russian Alert, Clear, Trippy Serious  White Russian 2
AK-47 Mellow, Cerebral, Spacey Serious  AK 47
AK-48 Cerebral Nirvana  AK 48
Arjan Haze # 1 Uplifting, Social Green House  Arjan Haze 1
Arjan  Haze #3 Creative Euphoric, Active Green House  Arjan 3 (2)
Arjan Ultra Haze #1 Meditative, Introspective Green House  arjans-ultra-haze-1
Arjan Ultra Haze #2 Giggly, Chatty, Social Green House  Ultra Haze #2
Strawberry Haze Creativity, Giggly Arjan  ArjansStrawberryHaze
Amnesia Haze Euphoric Soma’s Seeds  Amnesia Haze
Cannalope Haze Strong, Heady DNA  Cannalope Haze
Super Lemon Haze Uplifting, Creative Arjan  Super Lemon Haze
Dela Haze Uplifting, Active Paradise  delahaze 2
Dutch Haze Clear, Uplifting, Calming Dutch Passion  dutch haze
Hawaiian Haze Cerebral, Euphoric, Clear Arjan  1033515593Hawaiian-Haze
Nevil’s  Haze Strong, Cerebral, Psychedelic Federation  Nevil's Haze
Sage Cerebral, Alert T. H. Seeds  sage
Kali Mist Cerebral, Energetic Serious Seeds  Kali Mist
Cinderella 99 Uplifting, Giggly, Mental Gypsy Nirvana  Cinderella 99
Jack Herer Uplifting, Cerebral Green House  jack herer
Sour Diesel Up, Euphoric, Psychedelic Green House  sour diesel
New York City Diesel Up, Creative, Cerebral Soma Seeds  NYC diesel
Jack the Ripper Speedy, Trippy, Talkative T.G.A. Seeds  jack the ripper
Chocolope Euphoric D.N.A. Genetics  Cannalope Haze
                                     African Sativas and  Hybrids  
Ethiopian Highland Up, Creative African Seeds  ethiopian highland
Swazi Skunk Cerebral, Alert, Energetic African Seeds  swazi skunk
Malawi Gold Alert, Clear, Psychoactive African Seeds  malawi gold
Durban Poison Cerebral, Creative,Focused Dutch Passion  durban poison
Urban Poison Cheerful, Alert, Energetic Nirvana  urban-poison-1
Power Plant Strong, Uplifting, Giggly Dutch Passion

GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA
GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA
Swazi Safari Cerebral, Clear, Euphoric Flying Dutchmen  swazi safari

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Raphael “Herb’n Monk” Hameed and his Sour Grape grow in Los Angeles 2010

My Signature

Sativa Cannabis Strains to Off-set Addiction to Cocaine and Amphetamines

She Shouldn’t Have to Say Anything

The woman’s been through enough. From childhood through adulthood she has fallen down, been knocked over, mocked and through all the years has gotten back up every flipping time she was knocked on her ass.

Through all the years, she has amost always had one or two people in her life that she calls friends. This has been good. They’ve been there to listen, to talk to, to bitch to, to get into arguments with because let’s face it, no two people are the same and as they learn to communicate, the friendships that counted always lasted.

She grew up in a family that didn’t love her; rather, they were adopted her, doing their “religious duty” and although that served a specific purpose, it didn’t give her the security in her heart that most any and everyone craves, especially the girls and ladies. Missing that connection with her father and knowing her mother doesn’t love her, she gets kicked out into the world and tries to learn to acclimate to adult life. Due to the instability (emotionally) of her young life, her attempts to “act grownup” mostly lead her towards self destructive habits and fair-weather friends. There are so many more people in this world who’ll do what you want them to do because you have sex with them or because you buy the beer or … pick-a-reason whereas there are few who stay friends throughout the time of absence. The bad influences and temptations in our life far outnumber the positive ones. 

This lady had children, but can’t keep them; she has love in her life – amazing love – but periodically she has moments like this when she looks at her life and she wonders why everyone she’s ever known has forsaken her – why no one calls her, knowing she’s at home taking care of business. He needs her but SHE needs something or someone to call her up, ask if she’s ok. Does she need to go out and play? Go to the store, hang out, go for coffee…something. But no one ever does – they have lives and she feels guilty for feeling so alone and left out of life, work, etc.

She’s not waiting for entertainment – she jut wants to know she’s still relevant, still necessary, still fulfilling some purpose. Hoping and praying that her child didn’t die in vain, that the people in her life who used to be there, used to pick her up and take her out  or visit or whatever haven’t forgotten her. If it were a case of “Don’t know what to say” she’s understand but that doesn’t seem to be the case as those friends were with her through the tragedy.

Maybe it’s just one of those days or moments. One of those days and moments where one feels blue and questions everything. Yeah, most likely that’s it. It’s been raining for days and the sun has hardly shone and her boy is still dead and those brown eyes of his still haunt her. She is happy and jovial most of the time but her heart is still broken, even now, almost a year later. She hears of children graduating and rejoices in their progress even as she knows her little one should be in kindegarten right now and instead of putting him on the school bus, she walks by his memorial site which people keep visiting and occassionally put a new stuffed bear by his cross.

She is confident in her God. She is confident that her Creator loves her, guards her, corrects her when she’s wrong. He is her Dad  – her REAL Dad and He knows her pain, her misery, her sadness and He cares – despite the stuff going on with the world and global climate changes, the absolute moral decay, etc, He cares about her completely-as if she were the only thing on earth.

As she puffs on her Northern Lights bud, she realizes that as long as God’s in control – and  unlike so many these days, she doesn’t (not for a single second) believe God is anything but IN control- and she stops worrying about that stuff quite so much.

The long and short of it is this, she realizes. She has love, she has a roof over her head, she’s broke as hell but not homeless. A step up. A step forward. So what if she is lonely? It’s bound to happen. It’s GOING to happen. God knows what she needs. He won’t let it go too long before he supplies that need. She’s an extrovert. She needs people around her just as he needs solitude. She functions better around people. Staying home round clock is taxing but God is refining her. He is making sure she is ready – for what? No one seems to know but there’s no question that her life has been training, has always been training for it. Whatever it is.

By your grace, Lord, I am ready.

She Shouldn’t Have to Say Anything