I was sitting here, thinking about what to write. How did I want to phrase it? What do I want it to contain? I’ve been writing for the purpose of trying to reach the masses…needless to say, I haven’t been successful and it’s frustrating. I’m largely an “all-or-nothing” personality, seeing the world in mostly terms of black and white (but critically aware of the grey areas I know to exist). With the help of my joint of honey oil and chem dog hybrid, the answer came to me – I’m not supposed to write for them; I’m supposed to write for me! Now, maybe it’s just me and everyone else has it figured out, but to me, it might have been an “aha” moment, as Oprah would say. I’m not 100% sure because who knows how my understanding will be in 10 minutes after more of the high focuses my thoughts. The only complaint I have about this strain (grown by myself in our tiny little grow area) is that it makes me ditzy. Today I joked that I should have called it “Space Cadet”. So many times I have stood in the kitchen, can opener in hand, wondering for 10 minutes why I’m standing there and what am I supposed to do with this? I have to smirk to myself after a minute and put the can opener back in the drawer and go back and sit down because we don’t have a cat or dog and the munchies don’t necessarily include a can opener when one can forage.
It occurs to me that our life is like a house; it has walls – the part of us that makes up who we are – beliefs, sexual orientation, our preferences (the ones we’re born with, not the ones we learn to settle for) in regards to color, favorite this-and-that, political leanings (again, from gut instinct, not coaching). The inner core is also important and basically dictates whether or not the outter core stands, chips, falls or is destroyed, either through usage or through self destructive choices. One’s life is a series of choices: yes? no? Every time we do things the right way and listen to gut instinct and make the correct choices, that improves our life; every time we don’t do things the right way and despite knowing the ramifications, make the wrong choices because we decide to, we damage our outer core just a little bit more. Those cracks can be mended, with love and understanding and forgiveness, but will never fully as strong as before. This is why marriages don’t last these days. We’re developed into such a lazy, visually motivated world (He’s so cute/ She’s beautiful) that we rush into a relationship, get married too fast without really knowing the person we’re with. When you marry someone, no matter how long you’ve known them, there’s still the chance that they may go left-field on you without warning or that you will continue to ceases to communicate. Hop from the back seat to the bed to the alter and you’re often taking your emotional life into your hands.
Only we can decide how strong we want our house to be. We make a lot of bad decisions early in life but eventually we grow up and then we can take control over our own lives. There will always be people around us telling us what to do- such is the nature of living around laws- but ultimately, we must choose the ones that benefit our life and those that we choose to implement in order for others in our lives not to be harmed in any way. Laws are only as good as the context in which they stand. No, you should never steal – but should you find yourself in a position where your child is hungry and you have no money, I have no problem with gleaning in order for my child to be filled. Sue me – laws are meant to control when they should be meant to help ALL instead of a FEW. I’m thankful that I have never been in that position (plenty of years on food stamps and food pantry recipient but never had to steal, thank God, because as I say, I can’t lie my way out of a wet paper sack.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Appreciate it so very much.